Nothing Compares
by whyndancer
Summary: Meryl's thoughts to a song on the radio as she waits for Vash's Return. VashMeryl Forever


Nothing Compares

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Trigun. That belongs to Yashiro Nihtow (or however the bleep his name is spelled. I'm too tired too look it up. -_-) I do not Own the song this was written to. 

Nothing Compares

By Whyndancer

__

Snick.

The soft sound of the radio being switched on was barely audible in the quiet room, but the unexpected sound was enough to jar the woman from her reverie. 

Thick black lashes fluttered over lavender-gray eyes as a tousled head of short raven locks lifted away from the table

Meryl gave a weary half smile as she notice her friend trying to slip unnoticed into the next room.

Grace had never been Milly's strong suit. She had more than enough other good qualities to make up for her slight clumsiness though, her kindness was showing through right now. Her strength as well. It wasn't all that long ago that Milly had also– *_No! Not also!_* –that Milly had lost someone she dearly loved, yet here she was trying to cheer Meryl up.

Meryl recognized the station as one of her favorites. They specialized in songs from old Earth, taken from the data files of the ships.

Idly, she wondered if they'd had as many commercials on old Earth. Finally the radio DJ came on with the song intro.

__

This next song comes to you direct from the databanks of the last ship that just recently crashed. Exclusively from Blue Planet Oldies, here is Sinead O'Connor's, Nothing Compares 2U.

*My goodness! Something new!...new? old?*

It didn't really matter. For a moment she was struck by the mercenary tendencies that could compel people to seek profit from the misfortune of others, but it wasn't like that was anything new. Again, it didn't really matter. She was on the verge of rising to turn the radio to silence again, but the first line of the song caught her and held her where she was like a tomas in the headlights.

It's been seven hours and fifteen days

Since u took your love away

*That's exactly how long Vash has been gone.*

*Well… I'm not _exactly_ sure of the number of hours…*

*_Yes you are._*

She was. She'd been watching the clock almost every moment she was awake. Biting her lip, she sank back into the chair to listen, to see just how much of a coincidence this song might be.

I go out every night and sleep all day.

Since u took your love away.

She did go out at night. To watch the stars... and the horizon. The days were spent dozing in her room or sitting at this very table thinking (moping). Oh God... why hadn't she told him?

Since u been gone I can do whatever I want

I can see whomever I choose

*Why bother? I may not be bound by my job anymore but... What would I do? _Who _would I see?*

I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant.

But nothin', I said nothin can take away these blues

'Cause nothing compares

Nothing compares 2 U

The main problem with that scenario was that there _were_ no fancy restaurants within 100 iles of here. Then there was the fact that she couldn't afford to eat fancy even if there were one close by. 

She'd once saved up to treat herself to dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in December, but she had learned something. Though it was fun to get dressed up and go out, it didn't stay fun for very long if you were alone. 

*I wonder how Vash would look in a suit?* The mental picture almost made her smile, but then her heart clenched and her fists followed suit. *Will I ever get the chance to see?*

It's been so lonely without u here

Like a bird without a song

It had taken living with Vash to show her how boring and empty her life had been. 

Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling

Tell me baby where did I go wrong

*No. No, no, no, no, nonononono! I will NOT cry. I've cried for him before, but... I will not cry for myself. I had so many chances to tell him... and I hit him instead. If I cry now it would be weakness. I've been so selfish.* 

She swiped angrily at the unwanted drop of saltwater sliding down her clenched jaw.

I could put my arms around every boy I see

But they'd only remind me of you

If only by the fact that they weren't like him. There was no one was like him. Not that she would do that sort of thing in the first place. She wasn't that kind of girl.

I went to the doctor and guess what he told me 

Guess what he told me

He said girl you better try to have fun

No matter what u do

But he's a fool

'Cause nothing compares

Nothing compares 2 u

Amen to that. It had been Vash that had taught her how to _have_ fun. Not the ridiculous bingeing and partying mind you. She'd known how to get hammered for quite a while now, thank you very much. She simply preferred not to. And it wasn't really having fun for him either. It was drowning his memories, his pain.

He had fun when he was playing with children. She had seen his real smile more in the few times she'd been there when he joined in as a willing playmate than in all the rest of the time she had known him. 

*He would make a wonderful father if he ever got the chance.*

At this unbidden thought her face burned a color that quite nearly matched his coat. The idea of Vash as a father had been innocent enough she supposed, except for the fact that her imagination automatically put _her_ in the role of mother of said children. Again, nothing too embarrassing and certainly not very surprising considering how she felt about the idiot broomhead. It was when her overactive mind had jumped from dreams of aqua-eyed, spiky-haired children running around the house, to dreams of _making_ those children with said broomhead, that her face had gained it's current resemblance to a ripe tomato.

All the flowers that u planted, mama

In the backyard

All died when u went away

Her blush died as her eyes darted to the pot of red geraniums on the windowsill. The pot of _wilted_ red geraniums. Dammit. This was getting painful.

I know that livin' with u baby was sometimes hard 

But I'm willing to give it another try

She'd give anything, _anything _for the chance. God knows trouble followed *_Follows! No past tense dammit!* _him like a bad cold, but she knew he didn't want it anymore than she did. That was why he was out there now. To end this. He had to confront Knives for his sake and the that of the whole damn human race. 

How was Vash going to deal with him? Could he kill his brother? Did she want him to? 

A part of her wanted the maniac to suffer for the pain he put Vash through. Another part wanted to give him a piece of her mind. This was obviously one of the less rational parts. She wanted the brother's to reconcile and for Knives to change his ways. Even less rational. But most of all she wanted it to be over. All of it . All of the killing and the demons and the pain. She wanted so badly for it to end so that Vash could finish grieving... and stop running. She wanted to be able to hold him and chase away his nightmares. She wanted him to hold her and tell her that he'd never leave again. She wanted him safe, never again to add a new scar to his collection. She wanted him here, with her. 

Nothing compares

Nothing compares 2 u

She knew that it would never end as long as Knives was still out to destroy humanity. And she knew that Vash could never heal until he had 'taken care of Knives'. Damn that woman for placing this burden on him. Meryl would never be able to thank her enough for loving Vash so well. Just as she knew that under all the pain and anger and acting, Vash was still a frightened, aching little boy who is scared to get too close to anyone for fear that they'll die. She could still remember his word's after the fall of the flying ship. 

__

"Everyone who touches me dies."

Her heart ached remembering it. She had to prove to him that he wasn't a walking death sentence. But for her to be able to do that, he had to be _here_. 

*Please, oh please bring him back safely. Don't let him get hurt, or let him think that he shouldn't come back here for our safety. I told him I'd see him later. I wanted to say that I loved him, wanted to make him promise to return. He didn't say goodbye... That's got to mean something, right? Please let it mean something. Please let him come home.*

Nothing compares

Nothing compares 2 u

As the music fades she can no longer hold back her tears. Her knees draw up to her chest and she holds herself in a tight ball. Her shoulders shake with her sobs.

Nothing compares

Nothing compares 2 u

*Please let him come back to me.*

Fin

Wow. That got to be a lot angst-y-er and insightful than I thought it would be. I started this ... I think a bit over a year ago... and it just cam e out a little at a time. I think though that I could write a second chapter/sequel in a reasonable amount of time if anyone wants me to though. If anyone's interested. Or if it just won't shut up in my head.

It would be from Vash's POV and I'm not sure it would be a songfic. Also possibly followed by a totally waffy reunion chap. 

Or I could just leave it as it is.

Well?

Ja Ne.

Whyndancer

August 19, 2003


End file.
